


Death Of A Bachelor

by The_Unicorn_Is_Totally_Phansome



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Suicide Notes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-16
Updated: 2016-05-16
Packaged: 2018-06-08 21:25:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6873940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Unicorn_Is_Totally_Phansome/pseuds/The_Unicorn_Is_Totally_Phansome
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Gerard relapses, Frank doesn't realise how irrational he's being until it's too late.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. So Long And Goodnight

His beautiful hazel eyes,  
His gorgeous flaming red hair,  
The way he only spoke out of the corner of his mouth,  
His amazing laugh,  
His cute little lip twitches,  
The way his hands never stopped moving,  
All gone.

He was gone. Because of me. He was trying so hard to make me happy, putting himself through rehab multiple times even though he was fine with his downwards spiral of self-destruction. Because it worried me. Because I was worried about him.

He said I deserved better. I didn't, he did. I drove him back to his addictions and didn't even hear him out. I yelled at him when I found the half-empty bottle of vodka stashed under our bed instead of asking why it was there. For a normal person it would've been a rational response but he was so fragile already, and quitting made him even more so. 

I didn't think as he broke into tears. I didn't stop yelling until he'd ran out of the house. No, I didn't stop until he'd reached the end of the street. Only after he'd left my line of sight did it click, did I chase him, did I apologise. He didn't hear it, he was already at the cemetery. He never left the cemetery again. Not alive, anyway.

"I'm sorry!" I shouted once I'd reached the gates, "I didn't mean a word of it, I swear!" He was sat up on a low branch of the tree next to his Grandma's grave, in the far corner of the graveyard. He noticed me and jumped, slipping in the process. The branch reached out a foot over my head as I stood under it. His lifeless feet dangled a few inches over the floor as he hung from it. I was too late.

He'd been planning it. There was a note taped to a single red rose that lay on his Grandma's grave.

\----  
Frankie my love,  
I'm sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough. I'm sorry I didn't try hard enough. I'm sorry for giving you so much stress, so much worry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You deserve so much better than me and now you can get it. 

I've had the rope hidden here since last time. Do you remember last time Frankie? Do you remember sliding out along the branch and gently slipping your hand into mine? We were complete strangers yet it felt like we'd known each other for years. Do you remember slipping the rope back over my head and pulling me back along the branch and down to the ground? I do. Lately it's seemed like you don't remember... You'll ask me to do the simplest things and I can't even do them properly. You'll huff and say it's fine, you can do them, it's fine, you're not mad, you understand it's hard. You are mad though Frankie. I can tell, I know things. Best of all, I know you. And I know that this isn't you. You can't be yourself around me anymore Frankie... So I'm giving you what you need, the freedom you need to be yourself without me trailing after you like a lost, injured puppy.

I love you, but you can't love me. I understand that you can't love someone who doesn't love themself... The amount of times I've been told that... But I need your love to show me it's possible to love myself, that I'm worthy of love. Neither of us can provide what the other needs and that definitely isn't a healthy relationship.

I love you so much Frankie, and for that reason I hope I don't see you any time soon. Move on Frankie, find someone who will make you happy. Find someone who you can be yourself around. I love you more than you will ever know, and I'm happy that I got the opportunity to love you. I will be yours forever and always.

So long Frankie, and goodnight.

XoxoG  
\-----

"I love you Gee, I'm sorry I never told you. You were- you are my world. I love you Gerard Arthur Way, I love y-"

I broke down into tears on the floor between my dead boyfriend's body and his grandma's grave and lay there sobbing until I fell asleep.


	2. Death Of A Bachelor

(~Thoughts between squiggles~)

The funeral was a week later. It was a nice funeral, black roses and a black lining in his equally black coffin. It suited him.

No one would look at me. Mikey found us the morning after, on a visit to his grandma, and read the note. I told him what had happened and naturally he told his parents. News gets round the Way family very fast. They asked me to speak though, which I was surprised about. I declined. I didn't deserve him, so I don't deserve to speak at his funeral.

Everything after the service was a blur, until now. I'm standing on the edge of a bridge not far from the cemetery, watching the traffic rushing below. A good way to go, I'll be gone as soon as I hit the floor, or a car, whichever comes first. 

I don't deserve to live. Not after what I did. Not after I was so selfish, so stupid, so blind to his feelings. If I snap that quickly, who knows who else I'll hurt. I want to minimise the casualties as much as possible, and this is how I'm going to do that. 

He'd been struggling, he told me that. He'd said to me that the voices had come back now he didn't have anything to silence them with and I told him to ignore them. What sort of childish advice is that? Ignore the voices yelling at you to kill yourself because no-one likes you, Gerard. They're not real, they won't hurt you. As if he didn't know that. They might not have been able to hurt him, but he could hurt himself. That's what he said the first time, just before he went into rehab. That's what scared him, that's what made him want something that would make them go away. I didn't think when I was shouting at him, telling him how much of a disappointment he was, asking how he could be this stupid. I was just saying everything that the voices were telling him, confirming his fears. What have I done?

I'd given the note to Ray. He'd know what to do with it. He'd know when it was time. If there was any way to let Mikey know how sorry I was, this was it. Ray would take care of that for me, 'make sure my death wasn't in vain' as he so poetically put it once I'd told him what I was planning and convinced him there was nothing he could do to stop me.

One foot. I'm such a selfish idiot. Two feet. So self-centered. Next rail. So stupid. Other foot. A selfish self-centered stupid idiot who drove his boyfriend to suicide. Here we go...

"STOP!"  
~No. I deserve this.~  
"FRANK!"  
~Oh go the hell away Mikey. I knew he'd follow me.w  
"WHAT?!"  
"Don't jump Frank. He wouldn't want you to..."  
"HE'S NOT HERE MIKEY! HE'S GONE! BECAUSE OF ME!"  
"Frank please!"  
~Oh come on Mikey, do I really need to spell it out?~  
"Because. Of. Me."  
"Frank!"  
"Tell your mum she was right. I am poisonous."

And with that, I was gone.


	3. EPILOGUE- I Am Not Afraid To Keep On Living

~22nd March 2019~

"Hi Uncle Gee, Hey Uncle Frank . We're back! We can't stay as long as we usually do because Daddy has a show to play tonight with David and Ray's coming! I think he has a small mouse living in his hair sometimes because it moves when he's sitting still!  
Guess what Uncle Frank, Ray gave me a guitar! He said that it was called Pansy and it used to be his friend's before they died, and they wanted me to have it. I can't wait to start playing it, Ray said he'll teach me if I want him to.  
We brought you your favourite roses, special black ones, and I made a daisy chain each for you too! Daddy says we need to go now. See you next month! So long Uncle Gee, goodnight Uncle Frank!"  
"Bye Gee, see ya Frankie."

Mikey grabs his 4 year-old son's hand and they walk out of the gates to the car that's waiting for them. They turn back for a second, slightly silhouetted against the iron gates.  
"Wave goodbye to your Uncles then Gerard."


	4. EXTRA STUFF ABOUT THE STORY

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just some extra details I thought y'all would like to know

Ray gave Frank's note to Mikey on the 22nd March 2013. Frank had told Ray exactly when Mikey would be there and left him a picture of Mikey out of Gee's wallet. Mikey always wondered how Frank knew he'd be there.

Gerard died on the 21st February 2013.  
Frank died on the 1st March 2013.  
Frank requested to be buried on the 22nd March.

Mikey visits every month on the 22nd, that's how Frank knew he'd be there.  
Mikey's son is called Gerard-Lee Bandit Way.  
Gerard-Lee is four in the epilogue- he was born on February 22nd 2015.  
Ray is Gerard-Lee's godfather, as is David.  
Mikey knows Ray because Frank asked Ray to give a note to Mikey at his (Frank's) funeral.  
The note only had three words on it: 'I'm sorry Xofrnk'.  
Frank left Ray his guitar, along with a note telling Ray that Frank wanted him to give it to Mikey's first child when they were old enough to learn to play it.  
Mikey always brings three roses to the cemetary, one white and two either red or black for his gran and Gerard and


End file.
